Don’t Fear the Outcome
I sit at my table. Dappled sunlight shines through the walnut tree leaves overhanging the large picture windows on two sides of my living room. Slow, sensual music plays quietly through the room. Art supplies laid out in front of me - paint, brushes, water, pens & pencils, papers of various sizes and shapes. One sheet of white watercolor paper taped down to a board sitting directly in front of me. Questions run through my mind…
What should I paint? A picture of a thing? Abstract shapes?
Will I like it? What if I don’t like it?
Can I make it look some certain kind of way?
What if the very first stroke is wrong?
What if the very last stroke ruins the whole thing?
When these questions become too much, the only thing to do is pick up the brush that calls to me (usually the medium sized, round tip, long handle brush, branded From the Denver Art Museum), dip it in the clean water, and dab it in the color that best fits my food for the moment. With breath held, I hold the brush over the paper, wondering if it will drip before I make the first stroke. I release the breath and let all the questions and worries and fears go as my brush strokes in a circle… or a line… or a squiggle… or… something else entirely.
To be honest, I’m not a good enough watercolor artist to have any control of the answers to these questions. These questions speak to my fear and if I let my fear of the outcome stop me I would never experience the simple joy that is moving colored, watered paint around on a piece of paper. I usually choose to paint abstract shapes and lines; overlapping colors; blocky shapes lined up next to each; or symbols like droplets, spirals, suns, hearts. Sometimes I like how it looks, sometimes I don’t. I cannot make my painting look like anyone else’s paintings. The first stroke is a guess. The last stroke is an answer.
Spirals, by Lucy Nobles
Watercolor painting is an expression of my creative process, my mood, my curiosity. It is not about the outcome… if it was, I’d probably never start a painting session. I don’t sit down with an outcome in mind, I sit down with an expectation for an experience in acceptance, letting go of control and the need to know the outcome before it happens.
These are things I’m working to develop in all aspects of my life. Accepting that my 19 year-old daughter is going to live her own life with or without my advice and so it’s probably better for all of us if I don’t give it to her. Aligning a vision for what I want, while recognizing that the reality of the outcome could, and probably will, look entirely different from what I picture.
Where are you holding too tightly to an expected outcome?
How does it feel when you don’t accept things exactly as they are?
What would it look like if you simply took a deep breath and started the thing, no matter the outcome?
Don’t Fear The Outcome is precisely what Creative Pathways Studio’s process is built upon. I hope you’ll come to experience the process, the curiosity, the playfulness with us in one of our workshops. I can promise you that the outcome will not be what you expect and we’ll support you to find your way through the fear.